Life is to Live

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November 17-Day 5

I’ve been looking all over Habana for something that feels authentic and Roots connected that’s not stupidly commercialized and degraded.  I’m frustrated that I’ve spent my nights walking endlessly in search of that which feels authentic, juicy and exciting, and the best I can find is a disco with reggaeton or an overglamorized tourist scene with pasty plump whitey’s who just took their first salsa class this afternoon in the hotel lobby.  

There is Casa De Musica which is good, but at $10-50 a show, the value isn’t great.  The shows are short and it’s disappointing to think it’s a set break and then see everyone starting to leave as the DJ comes back on bumping the reggaeton.   It’s a lot like a Cuban sandwich, mostly bread with a wispy thin barely visible piece of meat inside and overpriced for it’s nutritional content. 

Today my heart is low.  I think I am in the wrong place, the city is not for me.  It’s too crazy, too many people moving too fast and with only one thing on their mind: making a buck.  It’s not so different from any other city.   Cities are cities and I’ve personally never found them a satisfying or soul fulfilling place to spend much time.  Get in and get out has always been my city philosophy and Habana, even with all it’s magic and beauty is not the place I want to be for much longer.

I find myself wondering about my intentions for this trip and deeply questioning everything I came here to do.  I feel a fear of failure surfacing then  find myself laughing at my own western neurosis of thinking too much as I pass a little old toothless lady dressed in a ridiculous red dress with a weird looking shaved dog in her lap waving at me joyfully.  I am reminded that there is nothing to fail at.  Life is to live not to achieve. 

I remind myself that I have to accept the reality that intentions and plans aside, the journey will reveal itself to me as it unfolds and that what I think I’m here for and what I’m really here for, may, indeed be different realities.  I know I have to be open to what is present rather that stuck on an agenda.  I remind myself that my project is a lifetime of unfolding not something I am going to have some completion on in 3 weeks with one trip to Cuba and I remind myself that everything already is perfect just the way it is and if I do nothing at all, that too is perfect. 

Here in Habana, modern culture is most definetly finding it’s way in thru the cracks in the crumbling walls of this city.  I can see the difference in just two years here.  Fancy stores with new modern store fronts, expensive clothes and even a few “brand” name store fronts have found a place in Old Habana now. 

The youth are displaying an ultra hip city vibe that I remember seeing a little bit before, but now it’s common to see young people with tatoos, piercings and cell phones glued to their ears.   Here they are ready, and ripe for the change and again, understandably so.  A few people are getting illegal internet, cable TV and US programs in their homes.  The system here is so out of control and in explicably complicated and still  Habana is already well on the track to modernization. 

The shift is in process here in Habana, and I sense, in myself as well